Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Magic Fix #26: Dealing with Difficult People.

This is my baby daughter, in actuality she is not difficult at all, she is a darling always (so far!)

Oh, I've been difficult!! My parents will attest to that. Having been a difficult person myself does not make dealing with other difficult people in my life any more easier, if at all, it can actually make it harder. We have all had moments when we might have wanted to be difficult, have a good old tanty, be stubborn and not comply in defiance, not accept the status quo, wanted to express our anger, disappointment or frustration at someone but this truth never makes dealing with 'other' difficult people any easier, does it? That is why, I went searching for answers, trying to find the 'magic fix' on dealing with difficult people in my own life because let's admit it, we have all had those 'moments' within our own family, friends and strangers we encounter.

I use YOUTUBE a lot lately, I tend to avoid the sex, drugs and the general debauchery that goes on there but instead subscribe to a few channels that helps me with my daily life, like my practice of meditation and yoga. Coincidentally, I cam across this channel by a very young black african man and I was completely taken aback by his wisdom and depth of character. I even showed it to my husband, who was amused and said "don't send this to your sisters, their husbands might get jealous". Laughing, I had to agree, he is cute but as for myself, I was more interested in what he had to say in this post about dealing with difficult people. Teehee.

If you don't have the 20 minutes to watch the video( he can come across a little cheesy at times) here is a breakdown of what he says, summed up in six easy steps:

first of all, don't forget to LOVE, even at times when you don't feel it, ACT love until you feel it because it is better that not (this is my own note!)

second, whatever anyone does or says to hurt, do not take it PERSONAL. Because often it's said or done because they are finding it difficult dealing with their own ISSUES!

third, stay CALM. Most challenging personalities in ones life thrive on your reactivity because they feed on the ensuing DRAMA. So just breath easy and sail right past them, especially when they try to incite a negative reaction from you.

forth,  realize that as long someone is having a negative affect on you by their actions or words, it is a reflection on YOU. You may have things to learn about YOURSELF and that is why the negative friction is present in your life. By having this person in your life, you may be forced to self-reflect and become a more loving person yourself.

fifth,  put yourself in the other persons shoes. There may be a number of reasons why he or she is not more loving: they may have had a difficult childhood, had friction in their own past relationships, they may feel like they are not worthy of your love or admiration etc. By experiencing this difficult person, you can learn to be  more FORGIVING.

LASTLY, put it in PERSPECTIVE. In the grand scheme of things, how important is this relationship or encounter? Put it behind you and move on to better things, expanding your life towards love and having friendships/relationships with those who have the capacity within themselves to love you back and be more loving.

Have you had difficult people in your life, husbands, children, family, in-laws, friends, work colleagues? How did you deal with it? Best of all, were you able to walk away happy?


  1. Just watched a few bits of his other clips - he's a very calming dude! Great adviser eh.. Very cool guy!

    1. Thank you for all the comments OP SHOP MAMA! Oh he is so infectious, isn't he? Did you see his 'why I am still single'? Can't imagine! It turns out he had a corporate career and he gave it up to pursue his passion, I presume that he loves helping others and not just taking what he can get. Just lovely!

  2. The expression on your daughter's face is hysterical! I understand how you feel and have tried to first examine the lens in which I am viewing my world, when dealing with difficult people. Yet it is so hard. I never ever look at youtube and so grateful that you lead me to the above video. His perspective is amazing..may we all follow his lead. xo

  3. I also really love "we attract what we are"... my new mantra.

    1. Thank you Monica for stopping by!!! I agree, it is so hard sometimes, I have often struggled with it in the past, whatever hurt feelings I would project it inwards usually and sometimes as a adult I would speak out but either way I never felt good about it. these days I approach things with a greater degree of balance and wisdom, I am able to laugh most things/people off and it has become a great freedom and happiness indeed! I love your mantra, I was chanting it today!!!!!


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